I walked into what we�ll charitably call my �contract� job this morning to find an email asking me to submit to a background check. I cheerfully responded to the HR department that I work through an agency and thought this was an error. A moment after I sent the email, the phone at my desk – that I never use – rang. It was the woman to whom I replied. She told me that I�d been hired and needed to submit to a drug test and background check. What? I told her I hadn�t heard about this. Evidently, she�d jumped the gun. I called my agency and they said they�d only heard about it ten minutes earlier. (continue reading…)

I watched the second half of Last Comic Standing last night. They did a “roast” of Jay Mohr, their host. Maybe I’m just too sensitive, but roasts don’t sit well with me. There’s an episode of Cheers where some guys hire out the pool room to have a roast of a retiree. The retiree adjourns to the main bar and tells the Cheers crew of his “hilarious” roast. He tells them the only comeback he’s thought of is “Stop it. You’re hurting my feelings.” This is the only comeback I ever think is appropriate. Inevitably, there’s a line that the roasters continue to cross. (continue reading…)

Our electricity went off right at 8pm last night. I’d probably have been grumpy to miss the prime time shows, but luckily, I�d eaten already and was, in fact, on the way out the door to play some ping-pong. After some intense ponging which ended in a tie, Todd K and I sat down to watch the last half of Monday Night Football. We were both rooting for the Redskins to pull off a tie at least, but alas, it wasn’t to be.

Before I left the house I caught Still Standing and Listen Up. The former I chuckled at quite a bit if for nothing else than the perfect attitudes the actors pull off. The latter is growing on me. It�s no classic sit-com, especially for an unmarried 30-year-old dude like me to watch, but what I can happily admit is that Jason Alexander is nothing if not a journeyman actor. Maybe it’s because I’d just read Queenan’s description of the “trouper” the night before (wherein Joe describes his affection for Barry Manilow), but I’m willing to give Alexander a lot of wiggle room in his new sitcom. Sure he’s done theatre and movies, but he’s a sit-com guy and what a trouper he is for jumping right back in when he’s probably assured a pounding from critics.

Closing Time has not been able to sustain my interest. I am re-reading Joe Queenan�s exploration of American low-brow culture, Red Lobster, White Trash and the Blue Lagoon.

Weekend TV reminds me why I read and rent videos. I should have done more of the former and some of the latter, because I spent time in front of the TV this weekend, but wasn�t exactly entertained thoroughly. Last night�s episode of Crossing Jordan � a show I find loathsome except for Jennifer Finnigin � was a perfect example.

We had it on while we were cleaning up and ironing and I got sucked it to how terrible the plot was. There was a big blackout in Boston (or wherever the show is located). Jordan and Bug are in a tunnel under the harbor (?) when the lights go out and there�s a terrible wreck ahead of them that totally blocks the tunnel. In my mind, the thing to do is to check the cars for injured people and start walking out of the tunnel. Instead all these jerks just mill around and Jordan and Bug get interested in solving the crime of the wreck that has blocked traffic. They do help pry a woman out of her car and get her on a gurney they had in their van, but there was no conversation along these lines: �Well, let�s roll her out of here.� They just sit there like idiots waiting for an ambulance. But, guess what, they have terrible cell phone reception. So why doesn�t anybody walk out of the tunnel and call for help? Beats me.

Naturally, the guys who caused the accident are crooks who just stole some jewels. One turns on another and forces Jordan and Bug to cut open his dead friends to retrieve the jewels they�ve swallowed. In the process, the young woman whom they rescued from her wrecked car is in danger of dying and she lies on a gurney in a tunnel filled with car exhaust. All of this could have been avoided had they just wheeled her out. Would the crooks have gotten away with some jewels? Possibly. Who cares?

I don�t think normal people would act the way the characters on the show did. In fact, on the show, the normal people did start walking out of the tunnel. Just not the �intelligent� people who are the focus of the show. All this goes to show you that if you�re ever in a wreck with a TV writer during a blackout in a tunnel, don�t listen to their advice. Just start walking.

Somewhere during my second attempt at listening through this record, I stopped wondering why they didn’t just write ten more “A Favor House Atlantic,” and started wondering how they hell they even managed one. It�s a puzzle how thet got that one so magnificently right when the rest are so stupendously bad.

Wednesday in review: as predicted, I didn�t watch much television last night. I watched the first half of L&O to see the new detective (that crazy cat may just be all right). I tuned in to 5 minutes of the new CSI. Again, as predicted, I didn�t think much of it. Frankly, it�s too dark. Is there a shortage of lightbulbs in New York? I never really thought about it too much before, but one of the reasons I like CSI:Miami may be the way-too-bright cinematography; everything looks overexposed and radiates heat in oranges and yellows. In contrast, CSI:NY has opted for cold, dark grays and blues. These dark looks are okay for movies that only last 90 minutes, but I wonder if a viewership will come back every week to the gothic atmosphere. Besides that, it�s NYC and really, who cares? I mean, Law & Order has three damn series in NY already. Another reason for the success of the CSI franchise, in my view, is their choice of setting. Miami and Vegas are two well-trod cityscapes for film and tv, but not so much for the tv cop show. (continue reading…)

I watched much of the Monday night boob tube extra-vaganza mostly because I was tired and sore and couldn’t be arsed to do anything useful. It went like this: (continue reading…)

I finished reading Ernie Zelenski’s The Lazy Person’s Guide to Success last night. It was an interesting read with a number of insights that I’ve discovered on my own over the past few years condensed into understandable sentences. (continue reading…)

People who haughtily say they “don’t watch television” are potentially lame, potentially dull and probably jerks. I also suspect that they read some really trashy books. For my money, free tv shows trump crappy novels five nights a week. Though I understand from talking to my friends that I am apparently an oddball in that I can’t read before I go to bed — it wakes me up. So I watch tv. (continue reading…)

We rented Twisted – a recent Ashley Judd movie that was featured in theatres for an afternoon – this weekend. I grudgingly have to give it credit for using a mostly simplistic plot device since most movies try so hard to overcomplicate matters and become totally ridiculous. But I just didn’t enjoy watching it. And as much as I like looking at Ashley Judd, I don’t think I’ve ever given a crap about her movies. In Twisted, it was incredibly difficult for me to take her seriously as a self-destructive cop. Nobody sleeps around and drinks as much as her character did and retains Ashley’s flawless skin. Sorry. But the movie was relatively short and, though bloody, it wasn’t really that violent.

As we watched it though, I kept thinking, “This isn’t as good as TV.” We’d have enjoyed back-to-back episodes of Law & Order more.