[This review was published in Popshot.]

What the hell is this? Collider play schticky AOR rock replete with big hooks, kitschy keyboards and dumb, dumb pop culture references. For an EP that is likely going to serve as an introduction to a band, the problem is mainly context — where is Collider coming from?

The opening track is “1991″ — as out-of-date a reference as you could ask for in pop music. The lyrics disparage the “emo kids,” “hip hop kids” and “raver kids” who have “no idea how the fuck it is when the radio’s on but the passion is gone.” Yet, it’s sort of a piss take on the grunge explosion too and how those bands took themselves so seriously. So are they talking about how there’s no passion on the radio now? Or then, in 1991? Who fucking knows? Who fucking cares? What a dumb subject for a song.

All this spouted over big, charmless, hooky rock.

The second track “If They Don’t Come Back” is as close as the band comes to developing its own voice. A vulgar power pop ditty, the song nevertheless is catchy. “If you love someone, set them free / If they don’t come back then you’re fucked forever,” goes the chorus. The chugging guitar may be over-produced enough to be harmless, but at least it carries the tune along. The high keyboard noises at the end aren’t overindulgent. The guitar lead is tasteful. It’s a good tune and seems to fit their style.

But just as they get that off, they ruin everything with a three song set from which recovery is impossible. “Mock Cheer” starts with the lyric “When the world’s biggest dork takes the microphone…” You don’t know if the singer is talking about himself or someone else. I guess that’s “postmodern.” The verses are crowded with electronic drums that sound like a pre-programmed Casio beats. Cue limp, distorted guitars.

“God Bless Us Anyway” starts on the wrong foot also: “This is going out to my brothers in the new school / all the white boys with the dreads and the Korn tatoos.” Did Collider think that Offspring hadn’t adequately covered the mocking of this particular sect of American youth?

“Aftermath” is a cheese-fest from the get-go. It’s not overly sincere but it’s so schlocky that it’s hard to digest.

Finally, they wrap things up with “Say Yeah” that proves that virtually anyone can write a pretty cool song when they’re just mocking the Ramones.

Musical talent aside, Collider make the same contextual errors over and over. One gets the impression that they’re one of those bands so desperate to “make it” that they’ve perfected the hooks and the playing and washed out all personality. I think you’ll know what kind of band they are when I say that each member is all dressed up, but not like the other members.

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