My girlfriend and I disagree about reality television shows. She likes the romantic ones and I like, as she puts it, “the ones where people have to eat stuff.�? This isn’t strictly true; I just require a little levity when spying on people’s “real�? lives. Girls moaning about their feelings? I can get that at home. Especially after I switch off Shipmates.

Often, though, I give in as any good boyfriend does. You’ve got to pick your battles, you know. So it was that I found myself plopped in front of the two-hour finale to The Bachelor last Sunday night. I don’t know how my girlfriend got so hooked on the show. She hadn’t tuned in from the beginning but somewhere along the way she was getting me to tape it for her. She had learned everyone’s names and histories and didn’t appreciate my comments like “he’ll choose the one with the biggest boobs.�?

The scariest thing is that both my girlfriend and I have picked up surprisingly ample knowledge of all reality shows despite the fact that we wouldn’t describe ourselves as fans of the genre. While watching, we saw an ad for the next run of The Bachelor. The star will be one of the rejects from The Bachelorette. “Oh, he’s the funny one,�? my girlfriend informed me.

“Who?�?

“The guy who’s the new bachelor. He was the funny guy from the Bachelorette. He wasn’t hot but everyone thought he was funny.�?

How does she know this? Considering we do almost all our prime time viewing together, I have no idea how this data came to her. Nonetheless, now I know that the new Bachelor is the funny guy from the Bachelorette.

Call it cultural literacy.

As the show progressed, my girlfriend became increasingly distressed that I was more fond of Kirsten, the younger, hotter competitor. Hard to say why I favored her. I believe my attitude regarding all “reality�? dating shows is that they’re, well, not real so the participants should just have as much fun as possible. It’s like dating with a safety net. Often, they don’t even know each other’s full names. It’s like a license to do everything wrong. It’s like college.

Of course, The Bachelor did have to meet four sets of parents which is like finding yourself in hell and being told that your roommate is Stalin… and that he likes to cuddle… and he has a rash.

Perhaps it is ultra-reality kicks in the ass like that which keep the players on the straight and narrow. Regardless, what’s most remarkable about reality shows like The Bachelor and Joe Millionaire is that the participants do act reasonable and do make the best choices for their future well-being even in the unreal atmosphere of their human terrarium.

Perhaps they should be commended for acting like decent human beings even under the intense pressure of constant surveillance. Perhaps the casting directors of such shows are simply superior judges of human nature. Or perhaps the participants are rewarded monetarily for good behavior. Al I know is that in all the time I watched the Bachelor, he acted like a perfect gentleman.

And in the end, he picked the girl with the bigger boobs.